Yesterday my husband Don and I went to a local store to pick up a few things. As Don was waiting for an employee to help him, we both noticed a bright eyed, energetic little boy. He seemed to be about two and a half years old. His mother was busy looking at some paint swatches and not seeming to pay a whole lot of attention to him. At first he smiled and pushed his cart up next to Don. After a while, Don walked away. I stood there with my cart. I watched him as he jumped, climbed and poked his mother. Then he eyed me. He pushed his cart over by mine and bumped my cart, just enough to get my attention. I smiled at him. By this time he must have been 20 or so feet from his mom. Her purse was in the cart, but she still seemed oblivious to the fact that her son and her purse were not near her.
After smiling at me, he pushed the cart back to his mom, then he came back to me again. Out of concern I said to him, "You had better go back by your momma." He ran back to her, jumped up and swatted her on the bottom. The mother called him by name, told him to stop it, and continued with her shopping.
How this brought back memories! The only difference is that I would not have let my children 0ut of my sight. But as I watched this child jump, hop, climb and push the cart, he reminded me of one of my boys when he was little. My Brad was always, always moving. He had so much energy--and the temperament to match. There were times when he could become expasperating. He was a difficult child to discipline. He often threw tantrums. Spankings did no good. I would find myself getting angrier and angrier and I knew it was wrong to discipline him out of anger. One day I sent him to his room. I told him, "Brad, go to your room. Right now I am angry and I don't want to spank you out of anger. In a few minutes I'll be upstairs to talk to you." For Brad this worked like a charm.
One day, one of our neighbors came over with her two little girls who were one and two. Brad was three at the time and Chet was one.
I watched as the two-year-old took one of Brad's favorite toys. He took one look at her, and without a sound, turned around, went upstairs, into his room and shut the door. The other mother looked at me strangely and said, "What just happened?" I was astounded to realize that Brad had learned an important lesson. He had learned how to control his temper. He knew he was going to become angry at her for taking his toy, knew what the results would be, and took the action that he knew would avoid that.
I think one of the most important things we can do as parents is to not discipline out of anger. It is also one of the most difficult. I have regrets for the times I did discipline out of anger, but I know God has forgiven me. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. We learn from our mistakes.
Brad long ago became a man. He has not had an easy life. Some would say that he has had a lot of "bad luck." I know differently. For I know that it is the hard times that cause us to grow as we draw closer to God. Some of those bad times not only make us who we are, but they give us insight so that we can help others.
These last months have caused me to see something deeper in Brad in a significant way.
Last year he lost his job. He had a difficult time finding another and when he did, he lost about 1/3 of the salary he was making before. He loves his new job. He works with adults who have disabilities. But the most amazing thing of all is this. On a few occasions, he has had to change adults and/or shower them after they had either urinated on themselves or had diarhhea. Remarkable! My little boy who was such a handful has grown up to have a heart filled with compassion and love. Some of the times he has had to go through have made him much more sensitive to others needs.
Being a big brother to Trent has also taught him much.
Thank you God for taking an ornery little boy and growing him up to become the strong, compassionate, and loving man that he is.
No comments:
Post a Comment