My Focus - Is it on God or Is it on My Child?

There are times in rearing a child with special needs when his or her needs become even more special.

No matter what disability our child has, or how high he or she is functioning, sometimes life can become more frustrating and more trying.

I was carrying on a conversation with a wonderful Christian man a few days ago. He made the comment that medicine had become the focus of a family he knew who had a child with special needs. At first, I felt just a little bit defensive (old bad habit) about this statement. But then I couldn't help but think about what he had said. The truth is that anyone can focus on his or her problem instead of focusing upon God, and those of us who have a child with special needs may do this more often than we care to admit.

What is the problem with this? Well...for one thing, we try to take care of the problem ourselves instead of seeking God through the reading of His Word and prayer. And what are the results?

Worry, worry, worry; talk, talk, talk; worry, worry, worry; talk, talk, talk. The focus is always on the problem and not on the Lord.

Ever found yourself doing that? I have! And more than once! Instead, this is what you and I need to do:

1. Be sure you are in your Bible EVERY day.

2. Why worry when you can pray? So...pray, pray, pray. Don't forget to thank God and to praise Him for all that He has done for you. Focus on God instead of focusing on the problem.

3. You and your husband get together on your knees and pray, pray, pray (again, remembering to thank God and to praise Him).

4. Ask others to pray. Hopefully you know someone who is a good prayer warrior; if not, ask God for someone whom you can trust to take your problem to the Lord.

5. Seek others (who know Jesus Christ) who have been through similar circumstances.

6. Check yourself to make sure that this problem is not #1 in your life instead of God being #1.

7. Seek out professionals--only if needed. Some professionals give excellent advice, but in many cases, it is only book learning and not practical experience. As I reread this statement, I realize that it can be misinterpreted. Please let me explain. When Trent was young, everything he did or did not do was text book case or it wasn't. I believe that stereotyping our children hurts them instead of helping them. I will add this--there are times when professionals ARE needed. I don't want anyone to read this and misunderstand what I have said. There are some lovely counselors out there, some with great compassion--people whom God uses to help others. Do not feel badly if you need to go this route.

One final thought--sometimes we feel like failures when we can't handle the stress that comes with rearing a child with special needs. That is a normal feeling. And sometimes we feel like nobody understands and that God is so far away. That is also normal.

I write this blog, not because I've arrived, but because I have struggled with these things for many years and at times I still struggle. It is easy to focus on my problem, but it's so much better to focus on God.