Yesterday my husband Don and I went to a local store to pick up a few things. As Don was waiting for an employee to help him, we both noticed a bright eyed, energetic little boy. He seemed to be about two and a half years old. His mother was busy looking at some paint swatches and not seeming to pay a whole lot of attention to him. At first he smiled and pushed his cart up next to Don. After a while, Don walked away. I stood there with my cart. I watched him as he jumped, climbed and poked his mother. Then he eyed me. He pushed his cart over by mine and bumped my cart, just enough to get my attention. I smiled at him. By this time he must have been 20 or so feet from his mom. Her purse was in the cart, but she still seemed oblivious to the fact that her son and her purse were not near her.
After smiling at me, he pushed the cart back to his mom, then he came back to me again. Out of concern I said to him, "You had better go back by your momma." He ran back to her, jumped up and swatted her on the bottom. The mother called him by name, told him to stop it, and continued with her shopping.
How this brought back memories! The only difference is that I would not have let my children 0ut of my sight. But as I watched this child jump, hop, climb and push the cart, he reminded me of one of my boys when he was little. My Brad was always, always moving. He had so much energy--and the temperament to match. There were times when he could become expasperating. He was a difficult child to discipline. He often threw tantrums. Spankings did no good. I would find myself getting angrier and angrier and I knew it was wrong to discipline him out of anger. One day I sent him to his room. I told him, "Brad, go to your room. Right now I am angry and I don't want to spank you out of anger. In a few minutes I'll be upstairs to talk to you." For Brad this worked like a charm.
One day, one of our neighbors came over with her two little girls who were one and two. Brad was three at the time and Chet was one.
I watched as the two-year-old took one of Brad's favorite toys. He took one look at her, and without a sound, turned around, went upstairs, into his room and shut the door. The other mother looked at me strangely and said, "What just happened?" I was astounded to realize that Brad had learned an important lesson. He had learned how to control his temper. He knew he was going to become angry at her for taking his toy, knew what the results would be, and took the action that he knew would avoid that.
I think one of the most important things we can do as parents is to not discipline out of anger. It is also one of the most difficult. I have regrets for the times I did discipline out of anger, but I know God has forgiven me. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. We learn from our mistakes.
Brad long ago became a man. He has not had an easy life. Some would say that he has had a lot of "bad luck." I know differently. For I know that it is the hard times that cause us to grow as we draw closer to God. Some of those bad times not only make us who we are, but they give us insight so that we can help others.
These last months have caused me to see something deeper in Brad in a significant way.
Last year he lost his job. He had a difficult time finding another and when he did, he lost about 1/3 of the salary he was making before. He loves his new job. He works with adults who have disabilities. But the most amazing thing of all is this. On a few occasions, he has had to change adults and/or shower them after they had either urinated on themselves or had diarhhea. Remarkable! My little boy who was such a handful has grown up to have a heart filled with compassion and love. Some of the times he has had to go through have made him much more sensitive to others needs.
Being a big brother to Trent has also taught him much.
Thank you God for taking an ornery little boy and growing him up to become the strong, compassionate, and loving man that he is.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Acchooo!
A-h-h! Spring! O-h-h! Allergies!
Yes, I have been hit with allergies this year. This is the worse I have had to deal with my allergies for several years, but it could be much worse. I am thankful that my allergies are not like they were 30 years ago.
I found some beautiful hanging flower pots, but I still didn't get all my planting done. When I attempt to plant, my allergies worsen, so...the flowers may have to wait for a week or two.
Today is Memorial Day. How I thank all of those who gave their lives so that we can have the freedom that we so much enjoy and sometimes take for granted. I am one of those who sheds tears when I hear our National Athem, or when someone plays the theme song of one of our branches of service. Yesterday for the offertory at church one of our men played his trumpet, playing each of those theme songs. Oh yes! It brought tears to my eyes. And I thank God for living in this great country! Thank you to all of you out there who have served our country and the sacrifices you have made to keep our country free.
Yes, I have been hit with allergies this year. This is the worse I have had to deal with my allergies for several years, but it could be much worse. I am thankful that my allergies are not like they were 30 years ago.
I found some beautiful hanging flower pots, but I still didn't get all my planting done. When I attempt to plant, my allergies worsen, so...the flowers may have to wait for a week or two.
Today is Memorial Day. How I thank all of those who gave their lives so that we can have the freedom that we so much enjoy and sometimes take for granted. I am one of those who sheds tears when I hear our National Athem, or when someone plays the theme song of one of our branches of service. Yesterday for the offertory at church one of our men played his trumpet, playing each of those theme songs. Oh yes! It brought tears to my eyes. And I thank God for living in this great country! Thank you to all of you out there who have served our country and the sacrifices you have made to keep our country free.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Answers to Prayer
Trent's surgery was three and a half weeks ago. He is doing well. He is finally able to go without having ice on his foot 24 hours a day and having Tylenol every six hours. Thank the Lord for that! Maybe I will be able to sleep all night now. Really though, I am thankful that he is such a good patient!
Next week he should be able to start putting a little weight on the heel of his foot (of course only with his special boot/shoe that the doctor gave him).
I am thankful for what God is doing in the lives of one of our sons. He is going through some hard times in his life and yet I see him drawing closer to God. I have lived enough years to know that hard times will either make us or break us. We can either run from God or run to Him. How much wiser it is to run to Him. Our God is a merciful and loving God!
I am looking forward to planting some annual flowers this week. Two years ago one of our sons and his wife planted some perennials. They are doing well, but one is doing exceptionally well. I love to look out the window and see the beauty of those flowers and remember the love that was shown when they planted those for me as a Mother's Day present.
Another son and his wife are looking forward to the time they get their child from China. It is really a waiting game, but we know that God has a child just for them.
Our only daughter is always busy. Besides working, she is going to school to get her RN degree. She also keeps busy going to the activities of her two youngest sons.
As for us....there is never a dull moment! We are continually seeking any information we can get from anyone who can give us any ideas about starting Special Needs Family Homes.
Have a good day! If the sun is shining, get out and enjoy one of God's gifts to us!
Next week he should be able to start putting a little weight on the heel of his foot (of course only with his special boot/shoe that the doctor gave him).
I am thankful for what God is doing in the lives of one of our sons. He is going through some hard times in his life and yet I see him drawing closer to God. I have lived enough years to know that hard times will either make us or break us. We can either run from God or run to Him. How much wiser it is to run to Him. Our God is a merciful and loving God!
I am looking forward to planting some annual flowers this week. Two years ago one of our sons and his wife planted some perennials. They are doing well, but one is doing exceptionally well. I love to look out the window and see the beauty of those flowers and remember the love that was shown when they planted those for me as a Mother's Day present.
Another son and his wife are looking forward to the time they get their child from China. It is really a waiting game, but we know that God has a child just for them.
Our only daughter is always busy. Besides working, she is going to school to get her RN degree. She also keeps busy going to the activities of her two youngest sons.
As for us....there is never a dull moment! We are continually seeking any information we can get from anyone who can give us any ideas about starting Special Needs Family Homes.
Have a good day! If the sun is shining, get out and enjoy one of God's gifts to us!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Remembering My Mother
Yesterday was the first Mother's Day for me without my mother. On November 27, 2007, she went to be with the Lord. In actuality, this Mother's Day has not been much different from the last few Mother's Days. Mom had Alzheimers and had been in a nursing home for six and a half years. I watched her slowly leave us--each week, each month and each year as she became a different person from the mother I had known.
I would like to share the following words that I spoke at the memorial service of my precious mother:
*****************
There are many memories that I could share about my mother, but today I have chosen one that stands out more than the others.
Most of you here today know that memories from my childhood of my mother were not the most pleasant ones. But those memories were long ago wiped away by wonderful, sweet memories.
It was about 20 years about that I had the unique experience of getting to know my mother--that is, my mother as she really was. It was after Dad died and Mom was lonely. She made trips from Ft. Wayne out to Iowa 3 or 4 times a year. During that time, she would stop at our home. Sometimes she would only stay a few hours; others times a few days. During these visits she began to open up to me, telling me about her life in earlier years.
During one of these visits, I began to cry. I do not remember why, I only know that I was so touched by something that the tears began to flow. I said to Mom, "I hate it that I cry so easily." Her wise reply was, "Cindy, don't ever be ashamed of those tears. I would give anything if I could cry." It was then that I realized that she had become hard and cold because of the things that had happened in her life. I became thankful that I could cry and was no longer ashamed of those tears. I taught my own children never to be ashamed of their tears.
One day I came across a book that became my property after she went into the nursing home. It was not just a book, but a journal of sorts. Her precious, scribbled comments on some of the pages gave me a peek into my mother's heart.
The title of this book is Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life and the author is Charles Swindoll. The chapter I am going to read is titled Tears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When words fail, tears flow.
Tears have a language all their own, a tongue that needs no interpreter. In some mysterious way our complex inner-communication system knows when to admit its verbal limitations...and the tears come.
Eyes that flashed and sparkled only moments before are flooded from a secret reservoir. We try in vain to restrain the flow, but even strong men falter.
Tears are not self-conscious. They can spring upon us when we are speaking in public, or standing beside others who look to us for strength. Most often they appear when our soul is overwhelmed with feelings that words cannot describe.
Our tears may flow during the singing of a great, majestic hymn, or when we are alone, lost in some vivid memory or wrestling in prayer.
Did you know that God takes special notice of those tears of yours? Psalm 56:8 tells that He puts them in His bottle and enters them into the record He keeps on our lives.
David said, "The Lord has heard the voice of my weeping."
A teardrop on earth summons the King of Heaven. Rather than being ashamed or disappointed, the Lord takes note of our inner friction when hard times are oiled by tears. He turns these situations into moments of tenderness; He never forgets those crises in our lives where tears were shed.
One of the great drawbacks of our cold, sophisticated society is its reluctance to show tears. For some strange reason, men feel that tears are a sign of weakness...and many an adult feels to cry is to be immature. How silly! How unfortunate! The consequence is that we place a watchdog named "restraint" before our hearts. This animal is trained to bark, snap, and scare away any unexpected guest who seeks entrance.
The ultimate result is a well-guarded, highly respectable, uninvolved heart surrounded by heavy bars of confinement. Such a structure resembles a prison more than a home where the tender Spirit of Christ resides.
Jeremiah lived in no such dwelling. His transparent tent was so tender and sensitive he could not preach a sermon without the interruption of tears. "The weeping prophet" became his nickname and even though he didn't always have the words to describe his feelings, he was never at a loss to communicate his convictions. You could always count on Jeremiah to bury his head in his hands and sob aloud.
Strange that this man was selected by God to be His personal spokesman at the most critical time in Israel's history. Seems like an unlikely choice-unless you value tears as God does. I wonder how many tear bottles in heaven are marked with his name.
I wonder how many of them bear your intials. You'll never have many until you impound restraint and let a little tenderness run loose. You might lose a little of your polished respectability, but you'll have a lot more freedom. And a lot less pride.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At some point, God gave Mom the tears that she so desired. In this book, she wrote the following words:
"Today, rain drops rolling down the windows looking like diamonds (the nearest to have so many); but then I look again and see some of these as tears falling off into space...and so Lord, may I give all my tears to you for you alone can cause the heart to know you care, you heal, you hear this need to touch the heart of a grandson so he will be healed from the flesh and in your care and keeping."
During those years, I grew to know Mom in a different way. I had the privilege of watching her as God truly changed her heart. And yes, I was also privileged to watch her shed tears. Sometimes I would shed them along with her as she shed tears over loved ones--with concerns about eternity. She wanted to know that all those she loved would be in heaven with her some day.
The last time I saw Mom shed tears was a few months ago. When I arrived at the nursing home, she was in a chair by the nurses' station. By that time, she could no longer sit up in a wheelchair, and she spent much of her time in bed. They had her in a recliner-like chair so that she could be propped up. I greeted her with my usual smile and "Hi Mom!" She looked up at me! I wiped the spittle draining from her mouth. She attempted to say something, but nothing came out. And then there were tears!
I am so thankful that I was able to see Mom shed tears. But now the tears are gone. God has wiped them all away. And some day, I shall see her again!
****************
A week ago my younger brother commented to me, "You got to know Mom in a way that I didn't. You were able to see another side of her."
The truth of the matter is that we see people as we want to see them. We can either look at their faults and remember the bad, or we can chose to forgive. When the Bible tells us that we are to forgive seventy times seven, it means to keep forgiving and keep forgiving and keep forgiving. This means that even when we think we have forgiven a person, and the thought comes back, we forgive again...and again...and again. I praise God that He forgives me again...and again...and again.
It also means understanding that hurting people hurt people. I try to remember that when someone intentionally hurts me, she or he is hurting deep inside. I've learned many lessons from my wonderful mother, but I think that is the most important one. I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) tells us how love acts. Our relationship to God certainly shows in the way we treat people. I read this chapter often and it continually convicts me. How is my relationship to God showing in how I treat people?
I would like to share the following words that I spoke at the memorial service of my precious mother:
*****************
There are many memories that I could share about my mother, but today I have chosen one that stands out more than the others.
Most of you here today know that memories from my childhood of my mother were not the most pleasant ones. But those memories were long ago wiped away by wonderful, sweet memories.
It was about 20 years about that I had the unique experience of getting to know my mother--that is, my mother as she really was. It was after Dad died and Mom was lonely. She made trips from Ft. Wayne out to Iowa 3 or 4 times a year. During that time, she would stop at our home. Sometimes she would only stay a few hours; others times a few days. During these visits she began to open up to me, telling me about her life in earlier years.
During one of these visits, I began to cry. I do not remember why, I only know that I was so touched by something that the tears began to flow. I said to Mom, "I hate it that I cry so easily." Her wise reply was, "Cindy, don't ever be ashamed of those tears. I would give anything if I could cry." It was then that I realized that she had become hard and cold because of the things that had happened in her life. I became thankful that I could cry and was no longer ashamed of those tears. I taught my own children never to be ashamed of their tears.
One day I came across a book that became my property after she went into the nursing home. It was not just a book, but a journal of sorts. Her precious, scribbled comments on some of the pages gave me a peek into my mother's heart.
The title of this book is Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life and the author is Charles Swindoll. The chapter I am going to read is titled Tears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When words fail, tears flow.
Tears have a language all their own, a tongue that needs no interpreter. In some mysterious way our complex inner-communication system knows when to admit its verbal limitations...and the tears come.
Eyes that flashed and sparkled only moments before are flooded from a secret reservoir. We try in vain to restrain the flow, but even strong men falter.
Tears are not self-conscious. They can spring upon us when we are speaking in public, or standing beside others who look to us for strength. Most often they appear when our soul is overwhelmed with feelings that words cannot describe.
Our tears may flow during the singing of a great, majestic hymn, or when we are alone, lost in some vivid memory or wrestling in prayer.
Did you know that God takes special notice of those tears of yours? Psalm 56:8 tells that He puts them in His bottle and enters them into the record He keeps on our lives.
David said, "The Lord has heard the voice of my weeping."
A teardrop on earth summons the King of Heaven. Rather than being ashamed or disappointed, the Lord takes note of our inner friction when hard times are oiled by tears. He turns these situations into moments of tenderness; He never forgets those crises in our lives where tears were shed.
One of the great drawbacks of our cold, sophisticated society is its reluctance to show tears. For some strange reason, men feel that tears are a sign of weakness...and many an adult feels to cry is to be immature. How silly! How unfortunate! The consequence is that we place a watchdog named "restraint" before our hearts. This animal is trained to bark, snap, and scare away any unexpected guest who seeks entrance.
The ultimate result is a well-guarded, highly respectable, uninvolved heart surrounded by heavy bars of confinement. Such a structure resembles a prison more than a home where the tender Spirit of Christ resides.
Jeremiah lived in no such dwelling. His transparent tent was so tender and sensitive he could not preach a sermon without the interruption of tears. "The weeping prophet" became his nickname and even though he didn't always have the words to describe his feelings, he was never at a loss to communicate his convictions. You could always count on Jeremiah to bury his head in his hands and sob aloud.
Strange that this man was selected by God to be His personal spokesman at the most critical time in Israel's history. Seems like an unlikely choice-unless you value tears as God does. I wonder how many tear bottles in heaven are marked with his name.
I wonder how many of them bear your intials. You'll never have many until you impound restraint and let a little tenderness run loose. You might lose a little of your polished respectability, but you'll have a lot more freedom. And a lot less pride.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At some point, God gave Mom the tears that she so desired. In this book, she wrote the following words:
"Today, rain drops rolling down the windows looking like diamonds (the nearest to have so many); but then I look again and see some of these as tears falling off into space...and so Lord, may I give all my tears to you for you alone can cause the heart to know you care, you heal, you hear this need to touch the heart of a grandson so he will be healed from the flesh and in your care and keeping."
During those years, I grew to know Mom in a different way. I had the privilege of watching her as God truly changed her heart. And yes, I was also privileged to watch her shed tears. Sometimes I would shed them along with her as she shed tears over loved ones--with concerns about eternity. She wanted to know that all those she loved would be in heaven with her some day.
The last time I saw Mom shed tears was a few months ago. When I arrived at the nursing home, she was in a chair by the nurses' station. By that time, she could no longer sit up in a wheelchair, and she spent much of her time in bed. They had her in a recliner-like chair so that she could be propped up. I greeted her with my usual smile and "Hi Mom!" She looked up at me! I wiped the spittle draining from her mouth. She attempted to say something, but nothing came out. And then there were tears!
I am so thankful that I was able to see Mom shed tears. But now the tears are gone. God has wiped them all away. And some day, I shall see her again!
****************
A week ago my younger brother commented to me, "You got to know Mom in a way that I didn't. You were able to see another side of her."
The truth of the matter is that we see people as we want to see them. We can either look at their faults and remember the bad, or we can chose to forgive. When the Bible tells us that we are to forgive seventy times seven, it means to keep forgiving and keep forgiving and keep forgiving. This means that even when we think we have forgiven a person, and the thought comes back, we forgive again...and again...and again. I praise God that He forgives me again...and again...and again.
It also means understanding that hurting people hurt people. I try to remember that when someone intentionally hurts me, she or he is hurting deep inside. I've learned many lessons from my wonderful mother, but I think that is the most important one. I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) tells us how love acts. Our relationship to God certainly shows in the way we treat people. I read this chapter often and it continually convicts me. How is my relationship to God showing in how I treat people?
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