Siblings of a Special-Needs Child

The last time I blogged, I promised that I would give what I thought was, at least, part of the reason for my son having difficulties and poor grades in the sixth grade.

When there is a child with special needs in a family, sometimes the other children have a difficult time. Then we as parents take the blame upon ourselves--or we begin to feel sorry for our "normal" child or children because we can't spend the time with them that we like to spend. As I think back about the year that Brett was in sixth grade, a few things come to mind.

That same year, two of Brett's older brothers were in Christian high school and Trent was also in Christian school that year. I dropped the boys off at school every morning and then went to work a temporary job from 9:00 till 1:00. When I arrived home at about 1:15, I took enough time to change my clothes, relax just a little bit, eat some lunch, and then walk my daily paper route. By the time I got home, the kids were due home from school and I was exhausted. Then there was supper to cook, the kitchen to clean, then perhaps a basketball game, AWANA, or prayer meeting to attend. The temporary job and the paper route helped to pay the tuition for our sons, and the extra time and attention that was required for Trent completely wore me out. Most times, I was completely drained. I felt "sorry" for Brett and allowed him to become sloppy in his school work.

What we needed was better "balance" in our lives. Brett did need extra time and attention because he was the closest in age to Trent. When they were young, we did give him extra "alone" time. The problem was that I over indulged him. How did that happen?

Being busy. Feeling guilty. You name it!

The solution??? It's always easier as we look back. All of our children need accountability. They need to do their chores around the house and they need to do their school work. And when they don't live up to their potential, there should be consequences. As they reach the teen years, special attention should be given to the friends they have, their attitudes, and anything else that might give us clues as to where they are headed and what they are doing. As we sometimes get bogged down with the needs of our special needs child, we must not forget that the needs of our other children are just as important.

Parenting is difficult enough, but when there is a child with special needs in the family, sometimes it can seem like it is an impossible task. The days can be hard and long. But God gives grace one step at a time!!!

PAY BA-A-ACK!!!

Today I have two of my grandsons spending time at our house. Brandon is the son of my son, Brad, and Andrew is the son of my son, Brett.

I have been in the process of going through pictures, trying to organize them, so that I can put together some scrapbooks.

When the boys wandered into the room where I had been working and saw some of the pictures on the table, they began to ask questions. Then they looked at the different boxes with the names on them, and each of them wanted to see what was inside of the box with his father's name on it. I obliged them.

But more important than the pictures were boxes marked "report cards." They couldn't wait to see what kind of grades their dads had. Boy, did I ever open a can of worms!!!!

Twelve-year-old Andrew, who just finished 6th grade quickly grabbed his dad's 6th grade report card.

"What!" he said. "I just got in trouble for bringing home one C on my report card and here my dad has five D-s!" We enjoyed a good laugh together. "Ha! It's time for Payback!" I said. What fun it can be to be a grandmother!

Brett struggled in public school--especially in junior high. We thought he just wasn't getting it! But the truth was, he was a bright child who was very bored! We discovered this when he went to Christian high school and did very well. They were able to challenge him.

The strange thing is, that today as I looked at that 6th grade report card, something else came to me--something that suddenly became so clear. There was another reason why Brett did so poorly in the 6th grade.

I believe that report card reflected something deep inside of him--something which was the result of having a sibling with special needs.

In my next post, I will share what this was.

Nathaniel Ean

A week ago today our 14th grandchild (12th grandson) was born. He is the miracle baby born to our son and daughter, Chet and Ann. He weighed in at 8 lbs. 1 oz and is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen (proud grandma talking).

He is also the little brother of Matthew and Luke, our precious China dolls.

Ann had a difficult time in delivery and may need some surgery in the next few days. We have been VERY BUSY helping out with Matthew and Luke. My feet and legs hurt just from chasing these two little guys around--and around---and around. I am not complaining, mind you, I am just exhausted and I am constantly reminded that I am in my sixties, not my thirties. I
am so-o-o thankful to God for the gift of three sweet little boys in two and a half years.