There are times in rearing a child with special needs when his or her needs become even more special.
No matter what disability our child has, or how high he or she is functioning, sometimes life can become more frustrating and more trying.
I was carrying on a conversation with a wonderful Christian man a few days ago. He made the comment that medicine had become the focus of a family he knew who had a child with special needs. At first, I felt just a little bit defensive (old bad habit) about this statement. But then I couldn't help but think about what he had said. The truth is that anyone can focus on his or her problem instead of focusing upon God, and those of us who have a child with special needs may do this more often than we care to admit.
What is the problem with this? Well...for one thing, we try to take care of the problem ourselves instead of seeking God through the reading of His Word and prayer. And what are the results?
Worry, worry, worry; talk, talk, talk; worry, worry, worry; talk, talk, talk. The focus is always on the problem and not on the Lord.
Ever found yourself doing that? I have! And more than once! Instead, this is what you and I need to do:
1. Be sure you are in your Bible EVERY day.
2. Why worry when you can pray? So...pray, pray, pray. Don't forget to thank God and to praise Him for all that He has done for you. Focus on God instead of focusing on the problem.
3. You and your husband get together on your knees and pray, pray, pray (again, remembering to thank God and to praise Him).
4. Ask others to pray. Hopefully you know someone who is a good prayer warrior; if not, ask God for someone whom you can trust to take your problem to the Lord.
5. Seek others (who know Jesus Christ) who have been through similar circumstances.
6. Check yourself to make sure that this problem is not #1 in your life instead of God being #1.
7. Seek out professionals--only if needed. Some professionals give excellent advice, but in many cases, it is only book learning and not practical experience. As I reread this statement, I realize that it can be misinterpreted. Please let me explain. When Trent was young, everything he did or did not do was text book case or it wasn't. I believe that stereotyping our children hurts them instead of helping them. I will add this--there are times when professionals ARE needed. I don't want anyone to read this and misunderstand what I have said. There are some lovely counselors out there, some with great compassion--people whom God uses to help others. Do not feel badly if you need to go this route.
One final thought--sometimes we feel like failures when we can't handle the stress that comes with rearing a child with special needs. That is a normal feeling. And sometimes we feel like nobody understands and that God is so far away. That is also normal.
I write this blog, not because I've arrived, but because I have struggled with these things for many years and at times I still struggle. It is easy to focus on my problem, but it's so much better to focus on God.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A Wonderful Truth
Trent is almost 31. I can hardly believe it. What a blessing he has been to us!
The thing that most impresses me abut Trent is that sometimes I think he is more mature in spiritual things than in any other area of his life. He loves the Lord with everything in him and he loves to serve the Lord.
Last Friday, my husband, Don, took Trent out to buy me some flowers for Mother's Day. Obviously I knew about it, but Trent did not know that I knew. He hid them outside, and on Saturday night he went into the garage to get the shepherds hooks and put them in the ground. Then he proceeded to hang the flowers up. When he came back into the house, I was given specific instructions to stay upstairs in the morning. I did.
The next morning when I came downstairs, he was sitting on the love sofa, patiently waiting for me, with a big grin on his face. "Come here," he said. He opened the front door and there hung the beautiful plants. While giving me a great big hug, he told me how much he loved me.
A little later, while we were in the kitchen, he threw his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, Mom."
"About what?" I asked.
"You know. Your mom. My grandma. You know."
He was thinking about my mother who died three and a half years ago.
"But grandma is with Jesus and I know that I will see her again some day," I replied. I used that time for a little lesson, because, after all, we must prepare our special needs children for a day when we might not be here.
"Some day you may have a Mother's Day when I won't be here. I want you to remember my words and to know that if that happens, I will be in heaven with Jesus. And some day you will be there, too, and we will see each other again."
He smiled. I knew he understood.
The thing that most impresses me abut Trent is that sometimes I think he is more mature in spiritual things than in any other area of his life. He loves the Lord with everything in him and he loves to serve the Lord.
Last Friday, my husband, Don, took Trent out to buy me some flowers for Mother's Day. Obviously I knew about it, but Trent did not know that I knew. He hid them outside, and on Saturday night he went into the garage to get the shepherds hooks and put them in the ground. Then he proceeded to hang the flowers up. When he came back into the house, I was given specific instructions to stay upstairs in the morning. I did.
The next morning when I came downstairs, he was sitting on the love sofa, patiently waiting for me, with a big grin on his face. "Come here," he said. He opened the front door and there hung the beautiful plants. While giving me a great big hug, he told me how much he loved me.
A little later, while we were in the kitchen, he threw his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, Mom."
"About what?" I asked.
"You know. Your mom. My grandma. You know."
He was thinking about my mother who died three and a half years ago.
"But grandma is with Jesus and I know that I will see her again some day," I replied. I used that time for a little lesson, because, after all, we must prepare our special needs children for a day when we might not be here.
"Some day you may have a Mother's Day when I won't be here. I want you to remember my words and to know that if that happens, I will be in heaven with Jesus. And some day you will be there, too, and we will see each other again."
He smiled. I knew he understood.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Jesus Can Heal the Broken Heart
I really meant to keep up with this when I started again almost four weeks ago. Really I did. But my life just keeps going and going and going and I don't seem to be able to sit down at my computer when I have great ideas and when I sit down to my computer I don't have such great ideas.
My heart has been burdened with people who have so many needs. There are so many with broken hearts--broken hearts that only God can heal. Moms with a special needs child--and a broken marriage. Moms who have grown children who have gone through some terrible things, and stick by then through thick and thin. Moms who have been diagnosed with cancer and have young children at home. Moms who have just received an adverse diagnoses for their child and are exhausted with the care the child requires. Problems, problems, problems. I couldn't help but think about these mothers yesterday on Mother's Day. I was really blessed with so much love and attention shown by my own children, but I, like so many have gone through difficult times.
But more importantly, I look back over the last several years and see how God has answered so many, many prayers in my life. And yes, He has healed my broken heart. God is so loving, and so good, and so kind. He really does care about us.
God can heal the broken-hearted. For some the healing comes immediately. But for many it may come a little at a time--just as a wound takes time to heal. Then there is the scar tissue. For months, and even years after a wound heals, there is still scar tissue left behind and at times it will cause pain.
God has laid it on my heart to begin a ladies Sunday School class at my church. After much praying, I have decided to do some lessons on "Healing Broken Hearts." In order to live a victorious Chrisitian life, many of us need to be healed first. Within the next few months, I hope to share the lessons on my blog that the Holy Spirit gives to me.
No one understands like Jesus!!!
My heart has been burdened with people who have so many needs. There are so many with broken hearts--broken hearts that only God can heal. Moms with a special needs child--and a broken marriage. Moms who have grown children who have gone through some terrible things, and stick by then through thick and thin. Moms who have been diagnosed with cancer and have young children at home. Moms who have just received an adverse diagnoses for their child and are exhausted with the care the child requires. Problems, problems, problems. I couldn't help but think about these mothers yesterday on Mother's Day. I was really blessed with so much love and attention shown by my own children, but I, like so many have gone through difficult times.
But more importantly, I look back over the last several years and see how God has answered so many, many prayers in my life. And yes, He has healed my broken heart. God is so loving, and so good, and so kind. He really does care about us.
God can heal the broken-hearted. For some the healing comes immediately. But for many it may come a little at a time--just as a wound takes time to heal. Then there is the scar tissue. For months, and even years after a wound heals, there is still scar tissue left behind and at times it will cause pain.
God has laid it on my heart to begin a ladies Sunday School class at my church. After much praying, I have decided to do some lessons on "Healing Broken Hearts." In order to live a victorious Chrisitian life, many of us need to be healed first. Within the next few months, I hope to share the lessons on my blog that the Holy Spirit gives to me.
No one understands like Jesus!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I'm Back!!!
It's been a long, long time. I decided that I needed a new look for my blog and had a good friend of mine, Jen, come over to my house and help me. I need help--lots and lots of help. At my age, it takes me longer to learn new things than it does for younger people. But that's okay. I've decided that it's worth the time. Much has happened since the last time I blogged. I will be sharing some of those things in the next few posts. Probably the most exciting thing is about my son Chet and his wife, Ann. If you recall, they adopted Matthew, a little boy from China, a little over two years ago. Last July they went to China again and adopted another little boy, Luke. They are both such adorable little boys. I guess God thought they needed yet another little boy, because in June, Ann will give birth to a precious baby boy. We are all still in shock. It wasn't suppose to be possible, but with God all things are possible. The baby is due to be born around our 40th anniversary--the 5th of June! So many things...so many blessings. God is so good! I will share more of God's blessings in some upcoming posts. I promise. But for now it is late and I am very tired so will call it quits for now.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Keep Praying
A few weeks ago I wrote about a family that had just lost their 15-year-old son.
That same week, three days later, their precious youngest daughter, Amanda (age 7), was taken off of life support and also went to be with Jesus.
Again, I reiterate what I said before. We do not understand why these things happen, but we do know that God is in control.
Tyler and Amanda are both in heaven because they were saved. We rejoice for them, but we grieve for their family. Please, please keep this family in your prayers.
That same week, three days later, their precious youngest daughter, Amanda (age 7), was taken off of life support and also went to be with Jesus.
Again, I reiterate what I said before. We do not understand why these things happen, but we do know that God is in control.
Tyler and Amanda are both in heaven because they were saved. We rejoice for them, but we grieve for their family. Please, please keep this family in your prayers.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
When Life Doesn't Make Sense
Today my heart is deeply saddened. It's one of those times when we wonder why God allows or does what He does, and yet we know that God never makes mistakes.
I received a phone call last night around 9:00. We are usually preparing to go to bed about that time, and so, when the phone rings, we know that it is probably not good news.
I was told about an automobile accident that took the life of a young man who was a member of the children's choir I directed several years ago. His little sister has had to have part of her skull removed because of her brain swelling.
When Tyler's family first attended the church that we use to attend, they were not saved. Eventually the mother, the father, and all the children came to know the Lord.
Tyler was an exceptional young man. I remember him so well. In the children's choir, we had about 25 children between the ages of 4 and 12 and most of them were quite rowdy. But Tyler was always obedient and respectful. He was a joy to have in our choir.
I can't even imagine what that family must be going through. Losing a child has got to be the worse tragedy there is. I once heard it said that losing your mate is difficult but you know that there is a 50% chance that it will happen. But losing a child is a cruel reverse of nature. The parent is supose to die first and the child is supose to outlive the parent. How true! My heart is breaking for Tyler's Mom and Dad.
Please keep this family in your prayers. They have a very difficult road ahead of them.
I received a phone call last night around 9:00. We are usually preparing to go to bed about that time, and so, when the phone rings, we know that it is probably not good news.
I was told about an automobile accident that took the life of a young man who was a member of the children's choir I directed several years ago. His little sister has had to have part of her skull removed because of her brain swelling.
When Tyler's family first attended the church that we use to attend, they were not saved. Eventually the mother, the father, and all the children came to know the Lord.
Tyler was an exceptional young man. I remember him so well. In the children's choir, we had about 25 children between the ages of 4 and 12 and most of them were quite rowdy. But Tyler was always obedient and respectful. He was a joy to have in our choir.
I can't even imagine what that family must be going through. Losing a child has got to be the worse tragedy there is. I once heard it said that losing your mate is difficult but you know that there is a 50% chance that it will happen. But losing a child is a cruel reverse of nature. The parent is supose to die first and the child is supose to outlive the parent. How true! My heart is breaking for Tyler's Mom and Dad.
Please keep this family in your prayers. They have a very difficult road ahead of them.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Heavenly Coins
When my son and daughter-in-law were preparing to adopt a child from China, an idea came to me.
When the weather was nice (and before I had my surgery), I walked almost every day about 45 minutes. As time went by, I began to realize that if I watched the ground, I found change. As I picked up the penny (or whatever it happened to be), I said a prayer for our new grandchild-to-be.
One day I was driving in the parking lot at our local grocery store. I thought I saw a dollar bill blowing in the wind. I stopped my car and backed up a few feet. I picked it up and folded inside of the dollar bill were three more dollar bills--four in all. I laughed to myself as I said, "God, that's 400 prayers being offered up for our new grandchild."
I exchanged the four dollar bills for pennies. When Matthew came to us, I gave him all the found pennies in a bank to start the beginning of his savings.
Now as Chet and Phyllis are waiting to adopt another child (they just found out it will be another little boy from China this summer), my husband, Don, looks for change all the time. Presently, we are having a contest, and every time one of us finds a coin, we tease each other. Guess who is ahead? I really don't know, but I know there sure are a lot of prayers going up for our new grandson-to-be.
When the weather was nice (and before I had my surgery), I walked almost every day about 45 minutes. As time went by, I began to realize that if I watched the ground, I found change. As I picked up the penny (or whatever it happened to be), I said a prayer for our new grandchild-to-be.
One day I was driving in the parking lot at our local grocery store. I thought I saw a dollar bill blowing in the wind. I stopped my car and backed up a few feet. I picked it up and folded inside of the dollar bill were three more dollar bills--four in all. I laughed to myself as I said, "God, that's 400 prayers being offered up for our new grandchild."
I exchanged the four dollar bills for pennies. When Matthew came to us, I gave him all the found pennies in a bank to start the beginning of his savings.
Now as Chet and Phyllis are waiting to adopt another child (they just found out it will be another little boy from China this summer), my husband, Don, looks for change all the time. Presently, we are having a contest, and every time one of us finds a coin, we tease each other. Guess who is ahead? I really don't know, but I know there sure are a lot of prayers going up for our new grandson-to-be.
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