The last time I blogged, I promised that I would give what I thought was, at least, part of the reason for my son having difficulties and poor grades in the sixth grade.
When there is a child with special needs in a family, sometimes the other children have a difficult time. Then we as parents take the blame upon ourselves--or we begin to feel sorry for our "normal" child or children because we can't spend the time with them that we like to spend. As I think back about the year that Brett was in sixth grade, a few things come to mind.
That same year, two of Brett's older brothers were in Christian high school and Trent was also in Christian school that year. I dropped the boys off at school every morning and then went to work a temporary job from 9:00 till 1:00. When I arrived home at about 1:15, I took enough time to change my clothes, relax just a little bit, eat some lunch, and then walk my daily paper route. By the time I got home, the kids were due home from school and I was exhausted. Then there was supper to cook, the kitchen to clean, then perhaps a basketball game, AWANA, or prayer meeting to attend. The temporary job and the paper route helped to pay the tuition for our sons, and the extra time and attention that was required for Trent completely wore me out. Most times, I was completely drained. I felt "sorry" for Brett and allowed him to become sloppy in his school work.
What we needed was better "balance" in our lives. Brett did need extra time and attention because he was the closest in age to Trent. When they were young, we did give him extra "alone" time. The problem was that I over indulged him. How did that happen?
Being busy. Feeling guilty. You name it!
The solution??? It's always easier as we look back. All of our children need accountability. They need to do their chores around the house and they need to do their school work. And when they don't live up to their potential, there should be consequences. As they reach the teen years, special attention should be given to the friends they have, their attitudes, and anything else that might give us clues as to where they are headed and what they are doing. As we sometimes get bogged down with the needs of our special needs child, we must not forget that the needs of our other children are just as important.
Parenting is difficult enough, but when there is a child with special needs in the family, sometimes it can seem like it is an impossible task. The days can be hard and long. But God gives grace one step at a time!!!
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